We're far away from Eden
by Miss-shiva-adler
Summary: Jace Wayland doesn't handle losing the ones he loves very well. He copes in the worst ways possible, drugs, drinking and sex. It's a push and pull, a one way ticket to hell. This time it attacks the thing that is most precious to him, his parabatai bond. It's been going on for months… and Alec doesn't know how to stop it.


**Week 2: **Came Back Wrong - Frigthened Fall Fic 2019

**Title :** We're far away from Eden  
**Rating :** NC-17  
**Ship : **Jalec

**Summary:** Jace Wayland doesn't handle losing the ones he loves very well. Even after years of being on the receiving end of those losses, he copes with sex, violence and self-destruction. But this time it's worse, worse than anything he has done before. It's a push and pull, a one way ticket to hell. It attacks the thing that is most precious to him. Why is it the worst he's ever done ? It's been going on for months… and Alec doesn't know how to stop it.

**Tags:** PwP, dubious consent, established open relationship, outdoor sex, back alley sex, asphyxiation, strangling, edge play, blood choke, anal sex, oral sex, blow jobs, scratching, protected sex, condoms, things are left unspoken, Came Back Wrong, the owl, pseudo-incest, consensual kinky sex, sex as bad coping mechanism, internalized homophobia, bisexual Jace Wayland, parabatai feels, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink

* * *

It was pretty dark outside, the night had fallen quite quickly and the moon was clouded with the usual pollution of New York City. The streets were busy, people were running, walking, going on about their lives, their stress and their vices. New York was yet another city that was said to never sleep; unaware of what was brooding in its bowels and the corruption it was often the victim of. Mundanes had the luxury to live in ignorance and quite frankly ignorance was bliss, if not a little bit dull.

Most demonic activity had died down these past few days. Of course as the new acting head of the institute Alec's job was mostly about filing reports, going to meetings and setting forth new projects that involved cooperation with different institutes. It was more a matter of sitting down and talking while giving out orders than anything else. If there weren't any other crises like personal feuds with the Nephilim in residence and territorial disputes between Downworlders. He had the luxury of finally having been able to start up negotiations with the High council of Idris for a revision of the accords. It was just the beginning, but finally being heard was a winning step forward. Things were changing and for the better.

But it meant he rarely went on patrols anymore. There was no gearing up every day and even his sparring sessions were less and less common. Alec didn't feel stuck in an office because what he did was _important_. It was what he had worked up the echelons for. But it didn't mean he didn't miss it. The days where it was just him and the team were long gone. It was with a feeling of nostalgia that he decided to walk home. He kept his sensor with him at all times and his bow glamoured. It felt good to be out there. The smells of the streets always reminded him of how things were out there, dark, messy and so incredibly human. It took him back to endless nights of tracking and chasing, of well succeeded missions and rarely failed ones. Tonight, there was just this _pull_ for him to come outside and roam the streets a little bit longer. To be in the open air. To be around the town and remember the good and the bad times.

He followed his instinct, his need to check out what was out there again was so strong. It had been so long and he needed it, the thrill of being aware of the dangers and knowing that he could take them on. The feeling of being on the edge and play with some kind of dark fire fueled inside of him.

He had passed three blocks from the institute being on and off the roofs when he felt another type of pull. The one that came from within, one that wanted him to draw closer, to keep going, to follow the trail, the bait. Alec inhaled, letting it entrance him, letting himself be tugged, his focus only directed on this feeling within. He let his steps guide him, almost having his eyes closed. It brought him into a darker, filthier and definitely more dangerous neighborhood. One were addicts got their fixes and murderers drank their wine with thieves. There was a tinge of worry in his guts. There was no guarantee on what he would find. If it was going to be another body needing to be buried, a group of demons or another situation where he had to steel his heart before doing anything else…

He was attracted to a back alley behind a tattoo shop where most letters of the sign had broken away. There was trash that hadn't been picked up in months and Alec was certain he saw vermin roam the side of the walls. In the dim yellow light Alec could see the outline of a silhouette leaning against the wall. To say he would recognize the short blonde and that same old leather jacket anywhere was… an understatement of what was truly going on. Alec would see and feel him even if he had his eyes closed. They looked up at each other. Alec held back a sigh. He just clenched his jaw. There was a silence. It was heavy, suffocating, and Alec felt his mind calculate what his next move should be.

He could turn away and leave, leave whatever the plan was behind. Go back to his evening stroll and get home. He could just walk out of this alley and not look back. But Alec knew he wasn't going to do that. He never did. He had followed the tug at the bond, knowing it might make him end up in this situation. And he felt weak for it. He had felt this coming ever since this afternoon. When his rune had started to tingle through his meeting with the werewolves and during his call with the High council. He had _known_ even if he really didn't want to accept it to himself

He fished his phone out of his pocket.

'_Jace wants to talk, I'll be home a bit later - A'_

Jace lit up a cigarette. His posture didn't change, it even relaxed a bit more against the wall. Alec kept glancing up while waiting for his boyfriend to answer his text message. Jace didn't look too perturbed or on edge. His parabatai even looked at ease. But it was just a lure. The vibration of his phone distracted him from the scrutiny he was giving Jace.

'_Okay. Don't make it too late. - MB'_

He sighed and put his phone back into his pockets. Jace flicked his half smoked cigarette away. In his stride he exhaled the smoke from his nose. The hands were on Alec's jacket and before Alec could react he was slammed against one of the metal bins. The impact slammed the air out of his lungs. Jace's mouth was quickly buried in the crook of his neck and all Alec managed to do was moan. Jace's hard body was pressed against him. The warmth, the feeling of leather and strength that kept him in place was already making him feel dizzy. His bow dug into his back. Jace forced his leg between his. The tongue on his throat lapped his skin, hands were circling his waist. He closed his eyes. He let his hands roam on Jace's back, neck, hair.

He let out another moan as Jace's hands made their way under his T-shirt. The calloused fingers caressed his abdomen and Alec could feel the bulge of muscles when Jace decided to dig his nails in the skin. The burn made him groan against Jace's hair. The spicy scent of shampoo and the stench of tobacco entranced his mind almost immediately. He filled his lungs with it. It put his nerves on fire, lit him with a burning feeling of want. He was pressed even harder against that bin. The tongue traced his jugular and Alec tilted his head backwards. He bucked against Jace's leg as teeth sunk into the flesh. It left him breathless.

He felt his eyes flutter, let his hand in Jace's hair tug at the strands. The temperature in his body was rising so high so fast. His cheeks were flushing. His hands were almost trembling. He would just get lost if it weren't for the metal of his bow digging into his back. The marks Jace's mouth was leaving in its wake made his gut ablaze with arousal. He was getting so hard. The wetness of Jace's tongue was everything he could think about. That and the trapped erection against his hip. He dug his nails into Jace's lower back, trying to press them even closer together. His heart was synced with Jace's and he could only hear his own ragged breath tearing the silence between them away. He rubbed himself against Jace's leg. The friction relieved some tension but Alec realized he was past the point for this to be nearly enough, even when he went harder, angled his hips better. It wasn't enough, it really wasn't nearly enough.

He shuddered. Jace's hands were on his belt and Alec couldn't align his thoughts because the mere gesture made him sink far away from his mind. He didn't know what _exactly _Jace had in mind until there was a hand palming him through his underwear. It just short circuited his brain, the blood rushed through his veins so fast he couldn't keep back a groan. Sometimes they would just get off like this. Jace took what he wanted and Alec would freely give it to him. But this time, it was different. He wanted more than just Alec on his knees, he wanted more than hands with a quick release, he wanted all of him. Alec could sense it. The way their bond prickled through, the way it flared, he didn't only sense it he could _feel_ it… it made him want to give himself up so many times over, to abandon his mind and to just give in completely to whatever this was. But he couldn't… He just couldn't… because this wasn't really Jace was it ?

The hand worked itself a way into his underwear. Jace's temperature was always warm, never cold and he hissed under his breath when Jace caressed his cock over its whole length. He groaned, following the strokes with a thrust of hips. He buried his hands in Jace's hair, tugged, wished for Jace to kiss him. Jace slammed him back even more against the bin and Alec could only moan.

He let his hands roam over Jace's shoulders and he nuzzled Jace's cheek as they both looked down to Jace's hand on his cock. Their breaths were so close, so intermixed, but yet so far away. Alec's throat was so dry and constricted. He felt feverish. The racing of the blood through his veins made him lightheaded. So did this hand on his cock. His bow dug even more into his back. It made him pant and moan. The upstroke of Jace's right hand was killing him as it worked his foreskin over his glans. Again and again. Alec could just thrust up to the steady rhythm Jace was imposing on him.

Alec gritted his teeth. He felt so on edge, so ready to just... He hit the metal of the bin. The jolt of pain grounded him. There was no guarantee that Jace would even listen.

But he did. Jace grabbed him by the collar. Alec almost broke completely out of this whole reverie by the sheer force Jace was using to throw him on one of the nearby rotting and worn out couches. Alec took off his bow right on time. Jace straddled him. Hands were roaming all over Alec's chest. It made him dizzy. The sickly yellow light made it hard for him to keep his eyes fully open. Jace's erection was driving him out of control. He bit the inside of his cheek at the still closed zipper rubbing itself against his half exposed cock. He laid his hands on Jace's hips and thrusted upwards, looking for a friction that would give him his release. Jace's hand was in his hair again in a second.

"Jace…" the whine that followed Alec's plea was so uncontrollably out there. Teeth buried themselves in his neck again and Jace's grip held Alec well in place. It made his eyes roll back in his head, to then stare at a fixed point without really looking. Alec let his hands travel under Jace's shirt, feeling the texture of their runes and the magic therein. The pain was jolting through him, the bluntness of the teeth that were trying to break the skin and Alec groaned. He grounded Jace against him. The bulge was so apparent and straining. Alec bit his lip, he reached for Jace's belt. He needed more, so much more. He let his hand roam over Jace's ass thrusting up as he did. Jace shot up immediately and Alec was reminded again of how much Jace didn't feel like Jace when they were in this state. His eyes were shifting.

Alec averted his eyes as Jace stood up. He instead concentrated on taking off his boots and trousers. He had the feeling that the springs breaking out of the couch were catching on his clothing. It was cold outside. He took himself in hand, took the pressure off. He spread his legs and cupped his balls. Jace threw the package of lube on his chest. Alec looked over to see Jace work a condom around his cock. He licked his lips, the anticipation made him shudder, ache. He was ready. So very ready to do this and his hands were trembling when he opened the little package of lube.

Of course Jace grabbed him by the hips and manhandled him to be closer. Alec worked his hands around Jace's cock, lubing it up. The weight of it was so pleasant and Alec looked up, fascinated by Jace's ragged breath and dark, closed off gaze. He was twitching in Alec's hands. When their eyes met Alec was immediately pushed back against the mattress. Jace grabbed the remaining lube from the package before tossing it next to Alec's head. Alec swallowed audibly, his throat so constricted.

Jace spread his legs even more. Alec opened his mouth as his mind disconnected from his body. Two fingers worked their way in. Alec's eyes fluttered, trying to relax, trying to breathe out. He reached out for his thighs, stretched the skin so Jace could go deeper. The brush against his prostate made him moan. His body was going limp as he was slowly being taken apart. But that was not what Jace wanted. Jace wanted more and the prodding was just there to see if Alec could _take_ it. And Alec would, could, should.

The fingers retracted themselves and Alec didn't keep the whine from crossing his lips. The sensitivity was setting his nerves ablaze. He gripped at his cock, squeezed the base of it. He reached out for Jace's body as his parabatai lined himself up. He let out a groan as Jace made him sink back on a curved upward cock.

They weren't even glamoured. Anybody could walk in on them. Alec cock's twitched at the thought. The thrill, the stretch, the burn… Jace would take his time to be completely in, seat himself deeper and deeper, one inch at the time. He was panting so hard and his fingers were digging so deeply into Jace's shoulder it was probably painful. Their rune was searing, scorching even. Alec felt his throat sob a 'please' and 'Jace'. He couldn't control it. He couldn't keep himself in check to not sound so… desperate, so wanting. He would beg, beg until his voice was hoarse and his body numb from being taken.

The first thrust felt overwhelming, so did the second, the third. Alec just let go, it was as if he was feeling Jace as much as he was feeling himself. He felt Jace's heart beat as much as the strain of muscles. The hands pushed Alec's legs up to his chest. Alec grabbed onto Jace even harder as that cock sunk down even deeper with a different angle. He couldn't place anything anymore. His guard was completely down. He knew he couldn't fight anything off even if he wanted to. This was where things became dangerous. Because they always would.

He lamented his parabatai's name as if it was the only thing that crossed his mind. The pain of their rune was poisoning every sensation. He dragged Jace down so they would touch foreheads. Jace's breathing was minimal compared to what Alec's panting was sounding like. Alec wanted to be closer even more. Be with Jace, more than what they were… but he possibly couldn't and would never…

He looked up at Jace and felt fear drop into his gut. He let out a moan as the cock parted his flesh again, brushed his prostate.

Hands were on his throat before he could even blink. Alec's head pulsed, feeling the damper immediately go down on his head. He audibly gasped, trying to remember that he could breathe as Jace's palms pushed on his jugulars. He looked wide eyed at the fully black abyssal eyes of Jace that had since long replaced the golden. Jace cocked his head to the side as if he was curious. There was nothing remotely human to the way he did it. Alec's aborted wheeze came raggedly out of his mouth. Jace then thrusted himself deep inside of him, disregarding his comfort or alarmed instinctual signals. The chokehold strengthened. Alec grasped at Jace's wrist, knowing that any tapping out would be ignored. Alec was rendered helpless and he felt his dizziness increase by the second. Jace's brutal pace continued mercilessly, ready to take Alec's life every time he sank himself inside of his parabatai, pounded that prostate, stretched that hole open to the brim. He whined, or tried to.

Their rune burned.

Alec's air was then cut off, his hands jerked, he dug his nails in Jace's arms. Tears were welling up in his eyes. He felt his whole body jerk, desperately gasping for air. Jace's thrusting changed pace. It was irregular, slightly faster, but not overeager. Jace liked to take his time even if he was close. Alec saw dark spots form in front of his eyes. He clenched down, trying to keep his consciousness by doing so, but all his strength was leaving him. Jace groaned, growled. Alec clung to Jace's jacket. His blood pounded in his temples. He couldn't register anything anymore but their synchronized heart beats. His whole body was stressed. It fought to stay alive by any means necessary. Jace just thrusted away and deeply, angling his hips just right. And in the end it was enough. Alec was on the very mere brink when Jace finally came.

The guttural sound leaving Jace's throat was more akin to an animal than anything else. Alec was so tense and on edge. He bucked out when suddenly he felt his lungs fill with air again like every breath would be the last one. Jace buried his face in the crook of his neck and Alec shuddered. A headache settled between his temples. He calmed himself down by making every inhalation thought through and deep enough for everything to be alright. What felt like minutes later he was made aware of how sweat soaked his T-shirt was. He let his body calm down as Jace retracted himself to lazily discard the filled condom, not even bothering to tie it off.

Jace buried his face in Alec's neck again, inhaling deeply. Alec closed his eyes and was about to speak until a hand crept onto his softened cock. He let his mouth gape open. He wasn't sure if his body agreed. He felt so overstimulated already. Jace's hand was still slicked up. The grip was just right but anything would have done, really. He was surprisingly half hard quite quickly. Jace fumbled. Alec let himself relax into the rotten mattress when he understood what Jace's plan was. He got harder by the mere thought of it.

The hands rolled the condom over him.

"Fuck…" He grabbed Jace's hair. He let his cock breach the barrier of those tight and welcoming lips. He swore as he pushed Jace down and Jace swallowed him in one smooth move. He thrusted his hips up, not even sure where he found the strength or even if he was even physically capable of reaching an orgasm after what they did. But he was going to try anyway. Because Jace wasn't just good at this, he was _skilled_ at it. And Alec… Alec was just begging for it. Jace followed his rhythm, played with the underside of his cock, sucked on his crown. Alec didn't take long. He couldn't possibly take long, his body was exhausted. When he came he felt like he lived and died a thousand lives, his cock deeply buried against Jace's throat as it constricted around him.

When Jace got up there was only Alec's fast panting and body shudders. Alec had trouble puzzling back his mind. At least the orgasm had calmed down his raging headache. He understood quite fast what Jace was doing when the tension between them suddenly changed. Alec sat up. Jace was quickly pulling his trousers back on. Alec had to intervene. He discarded the used condom and reached out for his boxers. Jace was completely dressed and trying to hide the distress and shame that was seeping through their bond by acting nonchalantly.

"Jace wait," Alec shouted as he finished dressing himself. Jace was bolting. Alec swung his bow on his back to run over to him. His legs were unsteady and he still felt the slickness from the lubricant between his thighs.

Jace turned around, a smirk around the lips. His golden eyes were back to normal. "I don't want to talk," he said as a matter-of-fact, his voice hoarse because of his abused throat. He reached out for his cigarette pack to light one up. He looked up at Alec defiantly.

It pissed Alec off and he couldn't keep down a biting remark: "You never want to talk," he said dryly. He hated this, absolutely hated this. It was always the same and yet Alec always agreed to dance to that same tune.

"I agreed to Magnus' little protection spell but don't expect me to do more." Jace dragged from his cigarette and exhaled in Alec's direction. Alec instinctively took a step forward and he could feel Jace's panic but also dismissal rising. Alec resisted the pull to come even closer.

"I don't want to be examined, I'm not a thing to be examined..." He dragged from his cigarette and flicked it away. He almost bared his teeth when he finished his sentence. "…I don't want to talk about it." The tone was aggressive and rejecting. Alec felt his gut wretch.

Alec took another step forward. He couldn't control it. Jace wasn't surprised nor did he tense up when Alec stood in front of him. His hands took ahold of Jace's face and Jace turned his head away. Alec's stomach dropped. His heart twisted into a knot. He pressed his forehead against Jace's temple.

"Sorry I asked," he muttered, pleaded. "I'm sorry I asked, Parabatai." He should just have had it in him to keep his mouth shut. He pressed his forehead harder against Jace, caressing the jaws under his fingers. "Forgive me," he whispered. His throat was locking itself up. Jace didn't reply. And Alec felt so much regret building up in his head. But in the end Alec could feel his parabatai relax.

Alec wanted to kiss him, just… kiss him. But Jace Herondale didn't do these kinds of things, ever. Ever since this charade started. Ever since Jace had decided to destroy whatever was left for him to care about. Jace wasn't a kisser, he never did, never would, not Alec. Because that was making whatever they were doing too real, too confrontational.

And it killed everything they had in its wake.

Alec bit the inside of his cheek as Jace wiggled himself free from his grasp. He clenched his jaw not to say anything as he watched Jace activate his speed rune. He watched his parabatai run away without any sort of glance backwards. Like usual. And like usual Alec let him.

Because he was too _weak_ to say no.

He inhaled, the rage welled up inside. Alec found himself kicking the nearby bin in the same surge of energy. The resistance of the object and the vibration of the impact in his bones calmed him down instantly. He let out a frustrated growl. He sat down. He had forced himself to ignore the shaking and the effort it actually took for him to stay standing up until now. He didn't want to activate his Iratze just yet. Because he knew that somewhere… he liked it.

And he felt fucked up because of that.

He searched for his phone. His hands were trembling. But he sent in his coordinates before sending his text.

'_Can you portal me home ? - A'_

He pushed his phone against his forehead, hoping Magnus would reply fast. He wanted to get out of here, wanted to be home, far away from the ache of his rune and from this alley, far away from the sorrow he was himself responsible for.

It didn't take long for him to get the reply.

'_Right away - MB'_

He kept in a sob, he wasn't the type to cry, not if he was the only one to blame for the situation he had roped himself into. He had to stay strong, keep his head high. He had to continue on, knowing that the soreness of his muscles and Magnus' arms was the only comfort he would have tonight.

He cried anyway.

The end


End file.
